A Disappointing Bang and Then the Novelty Wears Off


So two dr. appt’s down and one left to go. I was Nervous about both my physical and my son’s but pretty much nothing that went on in my head happened in real life. I brought up my concerns about my son and they must not be alarming enough or the whole medical establishment is a bunch of incompetent assholes. The NP didn’t seem worried at all. In fact nothing came of any of the things I talked about. Nose bleeds (here and there) they said continue with the Claritin. If it was a nosebleed lasting 20 min then they get concerned. Cough that keeps recurring. Get the cats out of his room and continue that Claritin. Continue to run the air filter. Bump on neck which I have checked out before and he’s had since he was a baby- a lipoma. If it changes then we’ll discuss. No blood tests ordered. Hmmm. So I should just fuck off now right?

At my appt the doc said I looked good (I have worked my ass off to lose 4-5 pounds). She said I still didn’t need the dreaded female exam, mammograms are every other year (so woo hoo for that!) and she didn’t order blood tests of any kind because I seem fine and have lost weight. It was kind of stupid to go I think. I feel like really, I just got in shape to impress her and I guess my job is done.

Didn’t drs order blood tests each time you saw them? I seem to remember always getting blood drawn. Even my husband got his taken. Wtf? Either my doctor is really disinterested in my health or maybe she does know what she is doing and has an “if it ain’t broke…” attitude like my mother in law. Oh right- she didn’t ask about the derm appt I rescheduled or even about that issue. More often than not this is what comes of my worries. It’s not bad news. It’s not fantastic news. It’s just neutral. Nothing like the scenes in my head.

I’m dreading the weeks ahead to go to that fucking appointment. I pray to a God I’m not even sure I believe in to help protect me. Isn’t that ridiculous? I won’t get into that now (how I came to doubt) but ya… I have my doubts about a God but I still pray to God to protect my child each day. I guess Catholic School and church beat that into me.